No one likes to lose. It’s one of the worst aspects of this life. Trying to be a good sport after putting your all into something and still not coming out on top seems impossible some days. Maybe it's a promotion at work that you put in the effort for, but went elsewhere. Maybe it's a race or a competition that you’ve trained for months with. As I write this, I’ve just recently received news that I did not get an internship I had put a lot of concern, care, and prayer into. This is coming off the heels of losing an award I had put two months of research and writing into. It’s not fun.
Add to that the fact that we as Christians are called to a better code of conduct, and you can see a deeper frustration therein. I might be tempted to be upset with the person who got the opportunity over me, but I’m still to love my neighbor regardless. I may want to sit and wallow in pity, but I’m somehow supposed to have joy. How can we do it? How can we overcome times when we’re put down in the world? How do we lose as a Christian?
What I’m not here to do is to tell you to have more faith. That statement is true about anyone, at any point, dealing with anything, but has often been used to shut down conversations with the topic. We’ve almost turned faith into snake oil, and that’s dangerous. We need to dig deeper as Christians to look at the way that we live, and to adapt that to God’s standards. By actively studying and doing the things of God and seeking a closer connection with Him, we will grow our faith.
Breathe
The first thing we should do is breathe. Sometimes, when we lose, we’re tempted to shut down and go into survival mode. We want to push ourselves through whatever it is we’re going through because we have to get x done, be at Y, or be ready for Z. This isn’t how we were designed to operate. God didn’t design us with emotions so that we could ignore them. The healthy first step is often sitting with the emotions of the moment for a minute. Taking a deep breath, and recognizing that we feel the way we do, that our emotions are valid, and that we simply exist is necessary for recuperation. While our troubles may seem trivial compared to the struggles of God’s people in ages past, we can look to His word to see principles on how to react to hard times. When Elijah faces opposition in 1 Kings 19, he’s distraught. He’s to the point where he’s making suicidal claims. God doesn’t slap sense into him, God doesn’t sit there and recite the Torah to him, He rather takes a fairly substantial approach. He sends an angel to minister to him, with bread to eat and water to drink, and then Elijah sleeps (19:5-8). Notice, though, that God doesn’t rebuke Elijah here. He doesn’t try to change his wayward thoughts. God doesn’t challenge Elijah until 40 days later when he reaches Mount Horeb after being cared for. He understood that Elijah could not respond, he was still reacting. When we feel bad, we have to take care of our initial reaction. Those automatic thoughts and emotions can cripple us in the moment, so taking time to take care of ourselves and to be patient through our reactions is important because then we can begin to respond.
The choice of what to do with our emotions is ours. If we take a look, we can see the steps to react pretty easily. Cain, the firstborn son of Adam and Eve, is overlooked by God, his sacrifice is not taken up and accepted like his brother’s, Abel’s, is. Cain’s initial reaction is often overlooked because of the sin that follows but is a normal human reaction. He gets upset, he’s angry even. We don’t know why his offering was looked over, but he wasn’t accepted, and that hurt him. God steps in after this to offer counsel to the young man. In verse seven of Genesis four, He tells Cain, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” God warns Cain that in those moments where he has not done well when he’s down and out, there’s an opportunity to make the wrong choice. Cain will leave this interaction and murder his brother, committing the first recorded act of human-on-human violence in the Bible and the world. He didn’t respond. He never let himself get to that point. Cain reacts to his punishment from God with very powerful, very emotional language, now fearing for his own life. Whether it's remorse for being caught or for the action itself, it's clear that Cain understands that big consequences are underway, and it would seem that if given the chance to go back and prevent himself from making that terrible mistake, he would take it. It is always a choice how we respond.
Look Past the Finish Line
Responding is one part of the battle, however. Our eyes need to be set properly, or we'll never see the end goal. When I was younger, for some unknown reason my family decided that me and my brother needed to do a run. I don't remember the distance, I don't remember the reason, all I remember is that it was the longest day of my life. I was so behind that the people who were set up marking the way were starting to turn around to go back. But somehow, I made it through. Somehow I managed to make it to the finish line, not without a lot of getting lost first. That painted line or timer were not what was pushing me on, though. I wanted to get back to my parents so that we could go eat and go home.
My eyes were not set on the finish line, they were placed beyond. We often talk about this proactive foresight when it comes to endurance, but it can also contextualize poor results. For us, no matter what we do, the final result should never be our focus, but we should be set on things beyond.
When Jesus instructs us to "lay up for yourselves treasure in Heaven" in Matthew 6:20, He's not telling us anything necessarily controversial. He's instructing us to have a mindset of looking beyond the things of this world. This gives us a goal in our lives but also resets our values. I really wanted that internship. I had plans made, I was running through semester themes, I had even sketched up sticker designs. I was so focused on the internship that I for a time didn't focus enough on the fact that neither my ministry nor my worth is in a title, nor a position, but is in bringing others to Christ. That should be my treasure. If that's my focus, if that is the focal point of the lens I am looking through, everything else is blurry. We are focusing on getting home and bringing others with us, a setback will not stop us.
How Do We Relate To Loss?
This is where I want to insert for a moment some thoughts of my own. I've observed a noticeable trend that tends to follow the word "lose." It holds a certain weight and connotation with it. We use it to describe the passing of loved ones, defeat in times of war, it's a big word. It would seem that when we "lose" something, we associate that weight with having something we had or deserved torn away with us. I think we do ourselves a disservice when we speak this way. Be it pride, immaturity, or ignorance, I think we place a little too much pride in what we do in an unhealthy way. As Christians, I think the way we act when we are passionate about something should be closely examined because we have something greater to look into.
We have the best victory in the world, not because we have done anything to deserve it, made enough effort to earn it, nor have been good enough to be worthy of it, but because it was given to us by grace. I think this should be a sobering thought for us. The biggest victory in the history of the world was won by one person, but shared with the world, not because of anything they've done, but despite everything that they've done. Maybe, when I look at an opportunity that passed me by, instead of inserting myself into the center of my attention, I should take a deep breath, take a step back and consider it from a different point of view.
Ultimately, I never had that award, that internship, or that opportunity. No one took anything away from me, because it wasn't mine to begin with. We should be cautious as Christians so we do not get so consumed with ourselves that we cannot recognize the successes of others.
God is Bigger Than Our Losses
There is one thing that ties all of these things together. These things are fleeting. They're passing away. God is bigger than all of this. God has instructed us to slow down, respond, and look unto him, putting others before ourselves. Why can I celebrate when another person gets the position I wanted? Because God is bigger. How can I go on when I can't ever seem to have anything I desire go how I wish? Because God gave me the only victory I'll ever need.
Better yet, all of this was decided long before me. 1 Peter 1:20 makes a very strong statement. The plan of salvation was determined “before the foundations of the world.” This language mimics God’s response to Job. When Job begins to think in ways that are a little too big for his britches, God begins to ask him about the formation of the universe, asking where he was when God created these beasts and elements. Both times, the purpose behind the argument is clear: you can’t question this. It’s beyond you.
Our victory can’t be questioned. It’s beyond our control. That shouldn't scare us, it should reassure us. We can’t do anything to make that victory ineffective. We can’t make God less powerful. Our value and victory are found in Him.
Life won't always go the way we want it to. That's a harsh reality to accept, but a necessary one to process. Breathe. Take a step back. It’s going to be ok because we have something beyond this world: god has given us a victory that cannot be taken away.
I want to leave you with one final encouragement. Throughout all of his blows with death, issues with family, and sin that followed him, he wrote exuberant declarations of faith. Of these, one of my go-to passages is the 27th Psalm. I’m going to leave this final verse here, but I encourage you to read the entire psalm. When we go through difficulties, I encourage you to emulate this behavior.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
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